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| Everything overall is going ok. vincent's wonderful. it just seems like friends come and go a lot easier then you think they would. i dont know. i dont see elena as much as i use to its weird. same with Sarah. I VERY rarely see Cassie. I spend more time with Gina more then any of the others girls i use to hang out with or kind of still hang out with. I dont know its kind of werid. I think being inside this house this long is getting to me. I just keep remembering mine and elenas trips to panera and starbucks. Or when she spilled that drink at wendys and our mass coffee outtings to the snack shop over the summer. When Holly use to come out her and i ACTUALLY saw her. I miss her on the spot jokes and our talks over doda and when she got drunk at my newyears eve party and kept telling me and elena she loves us. Or when me and Kate use to have talks on her porch and drink champagne with her brothers and talk about how great life was. When me and Sarah use to run and around and gank lawn ornaments and cones and put them on peoples lawns.Or the time she slipped and fell in the river by salt creek and dragged me in to. I could name hundreds of memories but none of that is going to change the way everything is now. Everybodys gone. The only person i am ever with is Adam and im not going to lie i am getting sick of it. Not just him in general but just overall it just seems like i need someone else around. I miss actually going out and spending time with my friends. But lately i dont know who my friends are. does that make sense? Its hard to explain how it feels. Like before if me and Adam got into a fight i knew exactally who I would call. And now i stare at my phone and there's no one.
Maybe this is how life just gets when your older. Your stuck on your own. Maybe i just need to grow up? I cant hang onto memories any longer, i can only try what to do when i can now. I wish one day i could just hang out with everyone and it would be like it USE to. But reality knows there is no way that is ever going to happen. So there is no point. Everybody is too busy doing their own thing. They have new people they hang out with, new priorities.
I guess sometimes i wonder if i made the right choice in everything i have done. I know its normal for a mother to feel like this for the first year. But sometimes i wonderful if i am strong enough to be a mom. I don't think im ready to handle it. I'm beyond depressed and not because of him but because of the surroundings i am in raising him. I love vincent so much he is a wonderful baby i could never give him up. But i dont know if i am going to be able to give him what he needs. I thought i could work up to it. But its been three months and were still standing in the same place we started.
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| everything in a way just kind of fell apart
everyones gone
sarahs gone because eriks an asshole
cassies gone because shes with a whole different group of people now
elenas gone because im guessing we just grew a part?
kates been gone for a awhile now
chris has been gone for awhile to now. im pretty sure i pushed him away though....
chrissies the only person i can thing of who is still here and hasnt changed what so ever.
its also kind of weird because some people who i never thought i would like i do
im not even in high school pretty much anymore and life is still fucking werid
whatever.the weird part is.. im still happy.
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| me and adam just had a baby boy
we named him vincent james skinner
he is adorable
im extremly happy right now
: ]
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| i want this to work so fucking badly
: /
but if things keep going this way i dont know if it can
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